Getting a PhD in America while there are no universities left in Gaza
My comprehensive exams are this week and I have FEELS
Since this year started, I finished and submitted my BOOK, we closed on a HOUSE, my baby turned ONE, and tomorrow, I start the dreaded 3-day-long comprehensive exams to advance to PhD CANDIDACY.
And all I can think about is how tired I am. *plays tiny violin* I’ve been laboring like I’ve never labored before, which is honestly very upsetting because I demand to be a creature of leisure. Much like birth (although much less traumatic), my body has paid the price to keep up with the demands of this year.
As I’ve been preparing for this hazing ritual by my colonial institution (ie comp exams) (yes I know I chose this life), I’ve been thinking about how there are no universities left in Gaza. Israel has bombed every university, as well as centers of knowledge like museums, archives, libraries. Scholasticide—the destruction of Palestinian cultural heritage, education, and knowledge—is integral to Israel’s genocide regime.
It feels like a privilege and a fuckery to be in my position, spending all my days in books and theory and debates. The last 6 months of preparation have felt simultaneously romantic and utterly, absolutely depleting. At one point last week, I asked my ancestors why I’m still here and what if I just…dropped out. They reminded me that I’m meant to take up space in this world, and to use that space to shine a light on the suffering and the softness of humanity. Research and writing are sacred acts in this way, and for better or worse, a PhD helps to facilitate some of that work for me.
So here I am. I take my exams this week (wish me luck and pray to your god(s) for me, will you?), and if everything goes as planned I’m on track to Dr Mabute-Louie in 2 years. Here are some memes that have been getting me through:
